Friday, July 25, 2008

Health benefits from some varieties of vegetables and fruits – Tomatoes

· A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lynchpin and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Tomatoes, which are actually a fruit and not a vegetable, are loaded with all kinds of health benefits for the body. They are in fact, a highly versatile health product and due to their equally versatile preparation options, there’s really no reason to neglect the tomato as part of a healthy diet.

Tomatoes are a member of the deadly nightshade family, and as such were considered toxic, causing many conditions like appendicitis, “brain fever” and cancer. In fact, they may have just the opposite effect. Tomatoes were not even eaten in the US until the early 1800s, when an eccentric New Jersey gentleman Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson brought them back from a trip overseas. Always one to take advantage of a dramatic opportunity, he announced an amazing display of courage would take place on September 26, 1820. He shocked his hometown of Salem by consuming and entire basket of tomatoes in front of a crowd of spectators, expecting him to keel over any second. Obviously, he didn’t and since then tomatoes have been a staple of the American diet and with good reason.

The red pigment contained in tomatoes is called lycopene. This compound appears to act as an antioxidant, neutralizing free radicals that can damage cells in the body. Only recently, studies have revealed that lycopene may have twice the punch of another well-known antioxidant beta carotene. Studies conducted by Harvard researchers have discovered that men, who consumed 10 servings of tomatoes a week, or the equivalent to 10 slices of pizza, can cut the risk of developing prostate cancer by a formidable 45 percent. However, its benefits are not limited to the prostate. Italian researchers have found that those who consume more that 7 servings of raw tomatoes lower the risk of developing rectal colon or stomach cancers by 60 percent. Israeli researchers have found that lycopene is a powerful inhibitor of lung, breast, and endometrial cancer cells. Research has also indicated that the lycopene in tomatoes can help older people stay active longer.

New research is beginning to indicate that tomatoes may be used to help prevent lung cancer. Two powerful compounds found in tomatoes-coumaric acid and chlorogenic acid-are thought to block the effects of nitrosamines. These are compounds that not only are formed naturally in the body, but also are the strongest carcinogen in tobacco smoke. By blocking the effects of these nitrosamines, the chances of lung cancer are reduced significantly.

Modern science knows that food provides vitamins, minerals and calories for energy, but does it believe that food offers any real medical treatments? Take the case of tomato, a powerhouse of nutrition. It contains a multitude of vitamins and minerals that act to support health.

Nutritive values of tomato per 100 gm, Vitamin A 1000 IU, Vitamin B Thiamine .06 mg, Vitamin C 23 mg, Vitamin K amount still uncertain, Calcium 11 mg, Iron 6 mg, Phosphorous 27 mg, Potassium 360 mg, Protein 1.0 mg, Calories 20. Still more when starting with the basics, tomatoes contain large amount of vitamin C providing 40 percent of the daily value [DV]. They also contain 15 percent of Vitamin A. 8 per cent DV of potassium, 7 percent of the recommended dietary allowance [RDA] of iron for females and 10 percent RDA for men.

Tomato is considered one of the richest of all foods in vitamins. It is very rich in all three important vitamins like A, B and C while most vegetables are deficient in one or more. Vitamin A plays an important role in vision, fighting infection and bacteria, maintaining skin and body linings, bone and body growth, reproduction, and normal cell development.

The B vitamins are very important to maintain good health. A deficiency of Vitamin B6 can raise a person’s risk of heart disease. Evidence also indicates that about 40 percent of heart attacks and strokes may be caused by a deficiency of folic acid, another important B vitamin.

Vitamin C is needed by the body to form collagen and fiber for teeth, bone, cartilage, connective tissue, skin and capillary walls. It helps in fighting bacterial infections. It may also protect against declining mental ability and stroke. Vitamin C of tomatoes is not destroyed by heat and therefore they are practically valuable for all sorts of stomach and liver troubles.

Lycopene is now recognized as a powerful substance in the fight against cardiovascular disease. One study investigated close to 40,000 women and their dietary habits, which revealed that the consumption of 7 to 10 servings of lycopene-rich tomato products produced a 29 percent lower incidence of cardiovascular disease compared to women consuming the lowest amounts. This result was increased to 34 percent when women consumed two servings a week of tomato products that contained oil. It also helps in good and clear vision and is necessary for proper growth of bones and tooth development.

When choosing your tomatoes, be sure to pick those with the most brilliant shades of red. These indicate the highest amounts of beta carotene and lycopene. Raw tomatoes are great for you, cooking them releases even more of the benefits. Lycopene is located in the cell wall of the tomato, so by cooking in a bit of oil, this healing compound is more fully released. In addition cooking the tomato in olive oil allows your body to absorb the lycopene better. Don’t worry about the availability of fresh tomatoes. Tomatoes don’t lose any of their nutritional value in the high heat processing; making canned tomatoes and tomato sauce are both just as viable and beneficial as fresh tomatoes.

Eating a balanced diet containing vegetables and fruits is considered the best way of ensuring good health. Vegetables are not just tasty and nutritious, but they also enhance the immune system of our body. One vegetable which most of use extensively, but do not pay much attention to is the tomato.

One of the most well known tomato eating benefit is its' Lycopene content. Lycopene is a vital anti-oxidant that helps in the fight against cancerous cell formation as well as other kinds of health complications and diseases.

Free radicals in the body can be flushed out with high levels of Lycopene, and the tomato is so amply loaded with this vital anti-oxidant that it actually derives its rich redness from the nutrient.

Lycopene is not a naturally produced element within the body and the human body requires sources of Lycopene in order to make use of this powerful anti-oxidant. While other fruits and vegetables do contain this necessary health ingredient, no other fruit or vegetable has the high concentration of Lycopene that the tomato takes pride in.

· Large consumption of tomato can help improve skin texture and color.

· Tomato is a good blood purifier.

· Tomato helps in cases of congestion of the liver (protects the liver from cirrhosis) as well as for dissolving gallstones.

· Tomato is a natural antiseptic therefore it can help protect against infection.

· Nicotinic acid in tomatoes can help to reduce blood cholesterol thus helps prevent heart diseases.

· Vitamin K in tomatoes helps to prevent hemorrhages.

· Tomato contain lycopene (the red pigment in tomato), this pigment is a powerful antioxidant that can also fight cancer cells.

Tomatoes are equally as nutritious fresh as they are in other variable forms. When tomato products are heat processed the bioavailability of the Lycopene actually increases rather than the anticipated decrease.

Even with all the plentiful research that has gone into the health benefits of tomatoes, there is still more research being conducted as the medical science community understands that we have not fully tapped into the potential presented by a tomato just yet.

Research is now slowly proving that there is a high likelihood that the consumption of tomatoes and tomato based products actually may prevent serum lipid oxidation and reduce the risk of macular degenerative disease.

Tomatoes are by far the healthiest of the fruits and vegetables with the power to ward off some of the worst known diseases to man. With the vast variety of tomato products on the market, it really shouldn't be difficult to get the full health benefit of tomatoes.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Health benefits from some varieties of vegetables and fruits – 1.

I am very grateful to my very close friend Mr. Maqsood of Pakistan. We use to message on lot of subjects and we share lot of useful knowledge. Now we are discussing about ghosts and I told him in real sense I saw a ghost. He is a well knowledgeable person on the subject of spiritual science. But let me admit I only finished my high school and have not gone above that to receive any certificates from any university. Like wise he wrote a mail on vegetables and I thought to write and share knowledge of vegetables and fruit. I will be using some of his sentences in this article in gratitude of his knowledge.

  • A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

The most important features found in carrot is its fiber content. Half of this fiber is calcium petite and other is soluble fiber. This may help to lower blood cholesterol levels by eliminating with other bile acids. It activates cholesterol to be drawn out of the bloodstream to make more bile acids. It helps to prevent heart diseases due to its antioxidants abilities. Harvard University suggests that people who in take more than 5 carrots per week are very much safe and less likely to suffer from a stroke than those who eat 1 carrot per month. Carrot contains a very complete nutrition to provide our body the essential enzymes, vitamins and minerals. For each 100 gram, the carrot has 7.6 gram of carbohydrate, 0.6 gram of protein, 0.3 gram of fat, 30 milligram of calcium and 0.6 milligram of iron. Also, it is a good source of fiber, vitamin B1, vitamin B2, vitamin B6, vitamin C, vitamin K, biotin, potassium and thiamine.

Carrot also offers an excellence source of beta-carotene, which is 3.62milligram (equivalent to 1981 international unit for the value of vitamin A) in each 100 gram of carrots. Many studies have shown that carrot provide us the highest amount of beta-carotene among the list of vegetables we always consume everyday.

Make it a usual habit to eat or consume carrot all through your life and provide our infants carrots. Carrots improve your eyesight. Some of you may raise a question to say what exactly it is about carrot that is good for eyes. That would be the beta-carotene. Carrot is rich in vitamin A. The vitamin A forms a purple pigment called as rhodopsin. This helps the eye to see things in dim light. Not having enough vitamin A ends up into night blindness.

That’s not all that carrots can do for you. The beta-carotene in carrots is an anti-oxident combating the free radicals that contribute to conditions like cancer, heart disease, and macular degeneration. The best thing of carrot is that it is easily assimilated by our body. Chinese practitioners said that carrot tastes sweet, and it is good for the health of spleen and stomach. It is also believed to improve impotence (lower sexual drive), sexual dysfunction, night blindness, long term cough (or call hundred days cough in Chinese medical prescription) besides strengthening kidney and eliminating excessive wind and cold in our body. The researchers will know more and for sure carrot is a good friend of yours during meals.

Carrot has proved its outstanding role in anti-cancer effect. The research revealed that people with lack of beta-carotene were more likely to have 2 times higher risk of cancer than normal people. It is wiser to eat an appropriate amount of carrot per day to prevent cancer. This is because beta-carotene in the carrot can be easily changed by our body into vitamin A, which is essential for healthy cell growth, strong immune system and protection against muscular degeneration (AMD).

Now let me drop on to the last thing to be told. Cooking carrots actually raises the nutritional benefits. The fiber in carrots can trap the beta carotene, making it difficult for your body to extract. By cooking them slightly, you free the beta-carotene, from the fiber, which allows your body to absorb it better. Eating only a half-cup serving per day will give you more than the recommended dosage of beta-carotene. Also when you buy carrots raw at the store, you must cut off the leafy tops before storing, or they will suck out all the vitamins. The best way to consume your daily dose is to add carrot to your favorite juice blends. This actually breaks apart the fibers allowing the beta-carotene direct access to absorption. Carrot is fat-soluble substance; its nutrition is absorbed better with the presence of oil. Therefore, it is better to dip one drop of olive oil into a glass of carrot juice so that our body can effectively absorbed its nutrition.

  • Carrot Food Therapy for Certain Diseases is Listed as Follow:

For Hypertension's Patient

Drink 100milliliter of fresh organic carrot juices everyday and it should be two servings per day. The therapy should proceed constantly for 30 days.

For Those Who Have Constipation

Blend fresh organic carrot juices from a juicer. Then, pour the juice into a glass. Dip a drop of olive oil into the glass. Mix it with an appropriate amount of royal jelly honey. Stir the mixture for a thorough mix. Each serving should be 80 milliliter, with every morning and night each.

For Those Who Have Night Blindness or Dry Dull Eyes

Get ready with 250gram of fresh organic carrots. Put two tablespoons of olive oil in the wok. Add in carrots. Fry with slow fire till it is thoroughly cooked. It should be one serving for a day. The therapy should proceed constantly for 7 days.

For Those Who Have Long-Term Cough (Hundred Days Cough)

Get ready with 200 gram fresh organic carrots and 13 pieces of jujube (Chinese red dates). Cook with slow fire. Make sure the amount of water is not too much or too little. There should be approximately 8 bowls of water (measured with a small Chinese bowl) for approximately 30 minutes. It should be one serving per day.

For Those Who Suffer From Scalp Itching and Dandruff

Get ready with 200 gram fresh organic carrots. Use slow fire to stew the carrots. Add in appropriate amount of sea salt according to your taste. It should be one serving for a day.

Least but not the last, it is very important to read and understand.

It is very important to take note that the carrot should not be taken together with an orange. This is because Thiocyanate compound in carrot will react chemically with substances in orange which can cause goiter (the enlargement of the thyroid). Similarly, carrot cannot be taken together with polygonum multiflorum (Chinese knotweed or flowery) and ginseng.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement: 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the Positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will these matters?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. Please send this to everyone you care about.


I received this story from my friend Maqsood Azeemi. The mail I received from him contained their photographs even. So I thought to share this story with my friends.

An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century. The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain, for his 80-year-old wife, has passed away in the cave which has been the couple's home for the last 50 years.

Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin. In a twist worthy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children. At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern Chong Qing Municipality.

In the beginning, life was harsh as they had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, 'Are you regretful? Liu always replied, 'As long as we are industrious, life will improve.'

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.
Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, 'My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother's convenience, although she doesn't go down the mountain that much.'

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife's hand even after he had passed away. 'You promised me you'll take care of me, you'll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?' Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband's black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China, collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Ways and means needed for a true friendship of a relationship.

[1] To build a True Friendship. It will take Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Strength, and most of all Respect. Once you have all these Added. Then you have one Solid Foundation for a Friendship.

[2] Then you build the Walls from your Love. Those kinds of Walls are hard to tear down. It can be build though a very firm understanding.

[3] Truly great friends are hard to find... difficult to leave and impossible to forget. You too will know this is a world proven fact and no one can deny this fact.

[4] We mostly hear there type of bullshit phrases from untrue friends. I dropped a Tear in the ocean last night, the day I find it, is the day, I will stop loving you.

[5] Many people will walk in and out of your life .but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

[6] Don’t repeat one thing too many times. The friend may think you are not honest person. For example: If I had a flower for every time you made me laugh or smile...I'd have a garden to walk through forever.

[7] Remember these wise words said by out great thinkers. Just friends have never seen you cry. A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. This mainly means to share ups and downs of both sides and not to keep things closed to your friend.

[8] Always be ready to care your friend as much as you can. Give love to your friend. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen...or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. That is called caring love.

[9] It is very hard to find a true friend. But for sure it is not impossible. True friendship can be found in moments of silence.

[10] The Good will Always - Over Power the Evil. This is something most of us never think of. For example if your friend is in trouble or in a deep sadness give your friend support, strength, and look what is happening to your friend.

[11] If you love someone write their name in a circle not a heart. A heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever.

[12] My humble advice to those who read this will be if you want to play A Game.....Buy a Deck of Cards. From this you can play as the way you want to play. But stop playing with the feelings of human beings. If you cannot be straightforward say bye-bye and let go your way.

[13] Many of us don’t believe in this old philosophy. Make yourself a better person and know who you are - before you try to know someone else and expect them to know you. But many of us do think it is out of fashion.

[14] Never give an inch or a centimeter for gossip between you and your friend. There's always going to be people that hurt you. Who are jealous of your friendship with some one which they also want a friendship. - So what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

[15] Don't try so hard at being the Best. Your friend will always recognize who is the best. The best things come when you least expect them to. Always remember whatever happens, Happens for a reason. Many a time, all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

[16] Avoid and don’t listen to gossip. You can have any number of friends, but do make sure only a few will stand by you when you are in need of friends. That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

[17] We meet a lot of 2 faced friends. So be careful in choosing friends. Don’t be too fast in your acceptance but best way is to know your friend as much as you can. If not the result is bitter. When you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

[18] Remember this old saying. One should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

[19] Never try to climb to the top before you explore the lower parts. Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

[20] Never regret if someone hurts you. It is a real lesson for your future. When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

[21] Many use to say a very wise thing. So keep it in mind. They say it takes a minute to find a Special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to LOVE them, but then an entire life to forget them.

[22] When you throw a small stone into the water the ripples will be small. There mostly will not be a splash. But if you throw a large stone the ripples will be big and it will go on for a long time. When you are Missing something... a part of your Soul.....Never to be felt again...And what is left...Is a River Of Tears.

[23] Make it a dream whatever you did not see in real. Never waste your precious time on imaginations and thinking of the dreams. A Dream Is A Wish Of The Heart.

[24] If you have found a best friend my advice is very strange. If it is not as I tell you then make sure that is not a best friend. Two Best Friends are like a pair of hands...One Always looking after the other.

[25] Experience this if you are unaware of this. When Jealousy resides. Evil will always Follow...Leave it behind and Love will embrace.

[26] If you love someone or something, if it needs to be let go of, just let it go. Everything happens for a reason and if it comes back to you, that means it found its way back and it was meant to be. If you're meant to be together, you will be. If not, and it doesn't come back to you, that's how things are supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason because without all the mistakes or things we have given up, our lives wouldn't be like they are today and we wouldn't have grown from our experiences. They say if you Love something let it GO if it comes back to You, it's yours, if it doesn’t. it wasn't meant to be.

[27] How LOVE can turn into HATE within seconds - and spoil almost an entire incarnation. As a result of WRONG, and partial perception of ALL facts, and the FULL truth of an entire situation. Protecting You and Your Heart For All Eternity With The Chance Of Losing My Own Life.

[28] No Man or Woman is Worth Your Tears, and the one who is, won't make you Cry. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can‘t have them. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. Don‘t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

[29] Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

[30] Don't waste your time on a man or woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. You could be in love with a married person. Add your own possibilities. I think that this means that the person who is physically with you may not be emotionally with you. There is nothing worse than when you love someone and they pull away from you. This happens when one of a couple isn't as committed as the other and eventually wants to end their marriage. They cut off their emotions to make it easy for them, and it is terribly painful to you.

[31] To the world you may be one Person, but to one person you maybe the World. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. Anonymous

[32] Be true to love, and love will be true to you. I think love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it keeps no accounts of wrong; it takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true; love has the power of undergoing all things, having faith in all things, hoping all things.

[33] People don’t need anyone to take advantage of their weaknesses or their strengths; they need someone who will appreciate them for everything that they are. Self-esteem has everything to do with how you feel about praise. Low self-esteem is characterized by an intense desire to be liked, coupled with feelings, deep down inside, that one is inadequate and not worth liking. People with low self-esteem may desperately yearn for praise, but when it comes, they feel uncomfortable with it, like an imposter. Their self-criticism overrides their ability to recognize their strengths and qualities and appreciate their talents and contributions.

[34] Don't let False Love fool you, but don't let Real Love pass you by. Love changes you. The way you think, the way you act, the way you decide. Sometimes you even go against your principles and beliefs in life. Loving doesn’t always mean you’ll be happy. Sometimes, all it provides you is pain and misery. Yet you are blinded by strong emotions that you fail to see reality. Sometimes, letting go is the only answer and it hurts like hell. But you will soon realize that it is better if the person you love would be happy to someone else

[35] Don't use your eyes to look for love for it's your heart that knows it. Love differs from heart to heart; love can be good and can be bad. To love and be loved is the perfect ingredients to happiness but to love and not be loved will be darkness in your soul. Being in love is like a drop of water after years of draught, it eases your soul’s agonies of life. Being in love is a feeling not all humans will experience. So if you have it cherishes.

[36] Our heart is like an unfinished puzzle that is why we search for the perfect One to complete it. Love purely and be happy it came in your way. If it hurts you then be glad because you've been touched by Love. The easy part of life is finding someone to love. The hard part is finding someone to love you back. Somewhere there's a place, holding something, concealing someone, holding your fate, but only waiting for the time. There is one moment in your life when you are with someone and you feel like the world has stopped and your life seems so perfect, make sure you never lose that person.

[37] You will love many times...but only Once you will fall in Love I don't think you find love - it finds you. And I believe that you can have many different and beautiful loves in a lifetime. Is there only one soul mate? I doubt it - because the soul is in constant flux and tomorrow may bring a new love who "fits you" in a different, yet equally magical way.

[38] May you fly on the wings of Eagles, and walk with the Courage of the Wolf.

[39] For each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain.

[40] True Friends are like Diamonds. *Beautiful & Rare*.False Friends are like autumn leaves Found Everywhere. A six letter word, yet it means a lot to us. Friends are special gifts from God to us. We love to be with our "gang"... we love the company of one another. But one important subject to touch on is the importance of being a true friend and also having true friends in your midst. It is very difficult to find real, true friends who will stand up for you and protect you. We ought to choose long life friends. Friends who will be there when you need them. But remember we need to choose friends that are God who leads you the right path. True friends too are those that correct you, reprimand you, and show you the correct way. They are also those that build you up when you are down, pray for you and love you!! Lastly, always remember to be a true friend!! For a true friend loves at all times!

[41] So hold me when I'm here. Right me when I'm wrong. Hold me when I'm scared and Love me when I'm Gone. --- There's another world inside of me that you may never see. There’s a secret in this life that I can't hide. Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find. Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind. So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong. Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone. Everything I am and everything in me. Wants to be the one you wanted me to be. I'll never let you down even if I could. I'd give up everything if only for your good.

[42] Love knows no boundaries and cannot be confined. It transcends time and space. Love is the greatest power on earth and in heaven.

[43] A good friend expects nothing but gets it all,,,, and cares for you unconditionally. What do you expect from your friends that classifies them a friend? Good listener, there for you? What? Keeps your secrets? And then what makes a horrible friend, one you never want to talk to or be around. A good friend is someone you can talk to and be yourself around. Somebody who won't judge you. You can express yourself around them. You feel safe. However, a horrible friend is someone who is constantly backstabbing you or putting you down.

[44] Why don’t You Get A Job as a CARPENTER,,, Build Yourself a Fence.... & GET!! OVER!! It.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Honesty is Necessary in Love

I had always thought myself to be a fairly honest person, and by society's standards I was. But what society considers honest and what true honesty really is, are two separate things. We've been systematically taught in our culture to make lying a part of our lives. We do it so often that we don't even notice it anymore.

Honesty is telling “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” Society's definition of the truth telling is to tell the truth ONLY if it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable, doesn't cause a conflict, and it makes you look good.

I'm not talking about the big lies, but more about the consistent, persistent "lies of omission" and "white lies" we tell people almost everyday. For me, I didn't even consider these small untruths to be lies until I experienced the exact opposite. The whole truth.

It hadn't realized exactly how dishonest I was and how much of myself I was holding back. This dishonesty caused me to feel disconnected from others and created small walls between me and my partner. When I withheld my whole truth, I withheld others from seeing all of me. This may be fine in most relationships but not in my primary relationship with my spouse, I wanted all of me to be loved, even those parts I judged as bad or wrong.

If I wanted to create true intimacy and closeness, I was going to have to let my partner see ALL of me. This was very scary for me because what if he got angry, or hurt, or decided "all of me" was not what he wanted and left the relationship? But then, what kind of relationship would I have if he only knew part of me?

· “Honesty can be tough but it's necessary if you want a close intimate relationship.”

Below are two excerpts from books I feel do a good job of explaining how honesty affects relationships. The first one is from the book "The Unimaginable Life - Lessons Learned on the Path of Love" by Julia and Kenny Loggins.

· Truth is the expression of love and is therefore always the necessary healing and loving action.

Mother always said, "The truth hurts." To this homily we would now add, "The truth heals." Love has taught us to be extremists for the truth. It is the surest path out of the old relationship-sabotaging belief systems. Many of us were taught that telling the truth is sometimes not being kind or loving, that it can separate us from what we want most, but telling the truth only separates us from our lies and our confused, limited self-images. Sure, the truth may hurt sometimes, but it never wounds the way a lie or half-truth can.

Most of us were taught to avoid pain at all costs, so it is a challenge to stand in our truth, knowing that it may seem to hurt a friend or lover or a member of our family. But when we don't tell the truth, it drives an invisible wedge between us and our lovers. If the goal is to stay within the awareness of love, the truth must be practiced continuously. Our greatest fear is that the truth will be abhorrent to our lover and we will end up alone. The reality is that the longer we are together, the more we practice the truth, the more trust develops and the easier the truth becomes. When we hide nothing, we can give everything.

In the book called "A Child of Eternity," there's a section that says what I've been trying to say for years regarding honesty in relationships. This is quite a nugget. Enjoy.

"Adri stresses the importance of living in truth, not as an esoteric principle but as a discipline. I really didn't understand what she meant by this until she created a lesson to teach me.

My brother, Jamie, Michael, and I were sitting together with Adri in August 1991, about to begin a meeting. Adri decided that we were not operating in a state of truth and she challenged us to recognize that and to do something about it before we started in.

Once she pointed this out to us, I knew it was true. I sensed in us all, not lies but states of incomplete truth. Still I hadn't intended to do anything about it. Why?

Because the state of half-truth is a normal one for most of us. The three of us weren't harboring dark secrets or lies that threatened to destroy our relationship or our work. We were simply suppressing all the little untruths - trying to avoid any troublesome confrontations.

Jamie went first, and confronted Michael about feelings he felt Michael was denying. Then I followed suit, questioning both Jamie's and Michael's commitment to this work. Lastly, Michael talked about how hard the whole process was for him.

Even though these weren't particularly significant concerns, still the difference in the room and between us after they were aired and cleared was amazing. I found myself in tears, first because I was certain, on a very deep level, that if I told all my truth, I would be abandoned - and secondly, because of course that didn't happen. That's the healing power of truth.


Although our issues and responses were different, what we learned had an enormous impact for each of us. I think we really understood, for the first time, how different our lives - and the world - would be if we could all operate out of a state of truth and love.

Within a loving context it becomes safe to reveal one's own truth. In retrospect we could see that suppressing truth limited our ability to love one another. And when we limit our love, we truly limit our lives.

As we experienced what it was really like to be in truth, love, and alignment, we became painfully aware of just how rare such moments are. Yet it was incredibly energizing to realize that we all have the potential to live in such a state. It is within our power, each moment, to choose truth over lies and love over fear."

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Society & Acceptance

Like happiness, society has some rather bizarre notions about self acceptance. On the one hand we have psychologists telling us it's good to improve our self-esteem while at the same time, society says we shouldn't have too much acceptance and appreciation for ourselves. What a tight rope to walk.

We are encouraged to be humble and show humility. Do you know the definition of humility? WHY would anyone value humility? Why would it be good to degrade and humiliate ourselves as well as lack self-respect and feel no sense of satisfaction or responsibility for our achievements? How could this be beneficial for anyone? What is it about someone feeling "too good" about themselves that bothers us so? Yet our culture promotes humility as a desired virtue. It doesn't make sense.

Myths About Egocentricity

Unfortunately, self acceptance (self-love) has gotten a bad rap over the course of history. Our society has labeled people who openly admit they love themselves as egomaniacs, narcissists, selfish, self-centered, and vain. No wonder we fear the very thought of self-love much less an outward expression of it with such incriminations. But lets look at that label and see if it’s really accurate.

Do those we label as egomaniacs really love themselves? It’s been experienced that those that are loud, overbearing, and go out of their way to show how important they are, are actually covering up a great deal of self-doubt, self-loathing, and fear. The greater the lack of self-esteem, the greater the show has to be to convince others as well as themselves of their own value and significance.

We can also notice those who truly appreciate themselves feel no great need to make others know how significant they are. They’re neither self degrading or depreciating, nor self promoting or excessively communicating their inherent worth.

When we feel a sense of inner acceptance and appreciation, there is no need for approval from others. When the question, “Am I a worthy/valuable person?” has been answered by our own voice with a resounding “Yes”, one doesn’t continue to ask that question of others.

Society & Happiness

If happiness is so important to us, and its what everyone seeks, then why aren’t there any classes on how to be happy? No society, past or present, has put any emphasis on teaching people to experience what we all yearn for. If we racked our brain trying to figure out why we don’t teach people about how to help themselves feel good, and it will come down to one reason. Society, as a whole, has some pretty big misconceptions about what it means to be happy.

We have passed down from generation to generation the belief that happiness, or unhappiness, can be attributed to external causes. We’ve been told that other people and the circumstances make us happy or unhappy. That our happiness is outside ourselves.

There are some fine distinctions to be found in the now immortal phrase, “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Life is eternal; liberty, an inalienable right, but with happiness - we are offered only the right to pursue it! We can give a man his liberty but not so his happiness. We can help, but ultimately he has to help himself to happiness. This all men have in common, we are searching for happiness. No one wants to be unhappy; no one deliberately sets out to try to make a muddle of his life.

Among the many misconceptions concerning this thing so much pursued are these:

a. That money makes happiness. False. It may help or it may hinder. Some men have sold their happiness, but no one was ever able to buy it.

b. That pleasure is the same as happiness. False. You can wear yourself ragged in pursuit of pleasure and still wake up in dull despair.

c. That fame brings happiness. False. The record eloquently indicates otherwise.

d. That happiness must be found in far places. False again. We carry it with us.

If there were no reasonable chance of finding happiness, we had just as well ring down the curtain on time and eternity, for happiness is properly the chief business and ultimate aim of life. “Men are that they might have joy.” But there is no point in pursuing it where it never was and never will be found. No one ever over took anything -- including happiness -- by pursuing it on the wrong road. If we want it, we had better look for it where it is.”

Since society believes happiness comes from things and events, it's focus is on classes that help you get things and events. The most important lessons are left up to you to sort out. Who am I? What do I believe? How can I be happy?

The Ways We Fight Syndromes

The "I'll show you! I'll ignore you." Syndrome

Ahhh...the old silent treatment. We'll ignore and deprive them of our attention (love in expression) to get them to take notice of us. If they respond, they care. If they don't, they don't love you. (If you really loved me, you would respond with concern to my silence.) Maybe if you ignore them, they’ll see how important this “issue” is to you. Maybe they’ll see how hurt you are and not do what they did again. If you ignore them, maybe they’ll be nicer to you and extend themselves to bring you out of your silence. This will prove that they really love you.

Useful Ideas:

* Talk openly and honestly. Know the intent behind your words.

* Understand silence isn’t motivating, it only leads to lack of communication and confusion.

The "I need to teach you a lesson." Syndrome

Since you lover gets unhappy when you spend time on the computer, you'll purposefully spend more time on the computer to teach her to accept this about you. You'll teach her to not want to be with you so much. You do the exact opposite of what she wants so she'll learn to be more accepting and to prove you can't be manipulated by her. But then she just becomes even more angry thinking you're deliberately going against her wishes.

Useful Ideas:

* Talk openly and honestly. Know the intent behind your words.

* Look at what areas you'd like for your partner to change, then examine how them changing would benefit you. Discuss what you've discovered with your partner.

The "You hurt me, now I am going to hurt you." Syndrome

You felt hurt by something your lover said or did. You want them to feel the same pain back so you do or say something that you're sure will push a button.

You had hoped that if you got angry, they'd see how much it means to you and will stop doing what you don't want them to do. You’re simply saying, “If you continue to behave in this way, you're going to have to experience my wrath.” You had unknowingly hoped that your anger and hostility would be an effective deterrent. But as it turns out, they push back and become angry themselves. Even if the person is willing to change, they don't want to be shoved, manipulated and condemned into changing. Their reaction is to fight back. It's a lose-lose situation.

Useful Ideas:

* Take responsibility for your emotions. When you become angry, who's responsible for that anger?

* Talk openly and honestly. Know the intent behind your words.

* Think of the times you have become angry with your partner. Was it because you were hurt, or wanted them to stop doing something? Discuss with your partner what you discover.

Happiness Is Everyone's Ultimate Goal

Every human that has ever existed has had happiness as their ultimate goal in life. Pretty bold and presumptuous statement but we’ll find the statement is true.

It's the odd ways in which we pursue happiness that makes us question the validity of this idea. What about the guy that works at a job he hates for his family? Is his goal to be happy? Again, I think the answer is "yes."

“What is the purpose or meaning of your life? Is your life for you to be happy, or would you prefer your life be for something else? Would that make you happy? Whatsoever you seek, you seek the cessation of unhappiness and the satisfaction of happiness.

Even those people who would be willing to die to save another do it for happiness. The idea of seeing themselves as loving another so much that they'd sacrifice themselves, makes them happy.

Our core motivation to be happy is surrounded by layers of other desires. Like an onion, we must first peel away the layers to reach the core. Let's look at an example.

I want a car.

Why do you want that?

So I can get to work.

Why do you want that?

So I can earn enough money for a house.

Why do you want that?

So I can have a place I call my own.

Why do you want that?

So I can feel free to do with it what I will.

Why do you want that?

Because when I feel free, I feel happy.

Happiness does not always appear to be an obvious goal because of the intermediate goals we believe are necessary to achieve happiness. But in the end, we do what we do to feel good.

Some say the "will to survive" is the strongest desire of all men, but even this question. What about suicide? What about people with a fatal disease who are in a lot of pain and want to die? These people want to end their lives. If the will to survive was our highest motivation above all else, it would seem people would want to live, no matter what.

So what DO these people want? To end their pain. From this one can only conclude that the desire to feel good is even stronger than the desire to stay alive.