Thursday, July 10, 2008

Relationship Rules for MEN

1 - Call. Often.

2 - Don't lie.

3 - The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never "Yes."

4 - Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

5 - Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

6 - Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

7 - Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

8 - "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Old Lady", "Lard ass,"
and "Bitch" are bad.

9 - Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

10 - A grunt is not an acceptable answer to a question.

11 - None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in

12 - Her cooking is excellent, and that isn't an excuse for you to avoid

13 - Dish soap will not hurt you.

14 - Another swipe of deodorant is not the same as a shower, and aftershave
is not the same as soap.

15 - And wet does not equal clean.

16 - If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

17 - If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo
rules - No Petting.

18 - Buying dinner is not foreplay.

19 - Believe it or not, you are not more attractive when you're drunk.

20 - Burping is not sexy. Neither is flatulence.

21 - Your elaborate presentation of every detail of your cool car is not as
impressive as you think it is.

22 - It is not a sign of your superior manhood to be able to jump up and hit
any awning in a single bound.

23 - Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is the beginning
of a conversation, not the end of one.

24 - Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood, but don't assume it
doesn't exist, either.

25 - No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything, and its
meaning can change without notice.

26 - Chivalry and feminism are not mutually exclusive.

27 - Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

28 - Don't tell her you love her if you don't. Do tell her you love her if
you do, and often.

29 - Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 PM.

30 - If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Doesn’t act like a
complete jerk until she does it for you?

31 - Always suck up to her brother. And her dad.

32 - Silk boxers.

33 - Remember Valentine's Day, and any "anniversary" she so-names, no matter
how cheesy you think they are.

34 - Don't try to change the way she dresses.

35 - Don't ever let your friends pick on her.

36 - Remember that the rules are not fair. Accept this without question. The
fact that she has to go through labor while you are sitting on your ass
smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything else out.


SoE said...

nah I don't agree that the nine months balances everything out. A woman nagging at you for five minutes is infinitely more painful. :p

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